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WHY GOD? Good God, what a question. I find myself asking it on a daily basis, but not quite in the same way. Some days I don't even use a name. Sometimes it comes out in an experience or a moment, or you know... a %$#! But it's there and clearly The Universe (God) thinks I'm cute trying to ignore Him (or Her), so here we are.
Sunday school answer, "Cause God so loved the world." Realistic answer, "Uhh, I'm sorry, I'm late for a thing." So we come back to it.
Honestly, I don't know. And I was raised on Veggie Tales and corporate communions where church was an all day kind of event and no one ate until Pastor stopped preaching long enough to grunt out a word of grace. So. I should know.
But I don't. So I went. For eight weeks I went and I found that pretty much every single person there was just as confused as I was. Great. But I guess there's a comfort in that. Knowing that you're not alone. That once again, you have been revealed to be human and that questioning is just part of the experience. So we jumped and we dove, deeper and deeper into the skepticism and the scriptures. At times it was so overwhelming it was getting quite difficult to breathe. And I don't mean the fill up your lungs kind of breathing, I mean the heavy on your heart, can't lift the weight kind of breathing.
The narrative strung itself together as the weeks faded in and out of one other. Who is God? Who is Jesus? Can I trust the bible? Why suffering? Is Christianity in/exclusive? Why is the church so messed up? They were questions I had always had, but never felt comfortable enough or christian enough to ask.
Now I want more.
Why God? Hmm. Why. God. Well, why me? You turn a lot of questions on their head in this space. You turn yourself on your head. Thinking and reeling, but learning to take joy and find solace in the whirlwind of questions your mind can't help but run to. I hear God the clearest when I'm engaged with others who question. In fact, it seemed we all sort of felt that way. Glancing across carpets and faded energies to see a person that God created. Who was wonderfully and fearfully made. Just like me. Who is me. And I am them.